Still not over it? Navigating Baby Loss years later.

This summer marks a poignant milestone for our family. our daughter, who we lost at 22 weeks, should have been leaving primary school and getting ready to start secondary school. It's been 11 years since we said our heartbreaking goodbyes, yet these milestones still tug at my heart, a bittersweet reminder of what could have been.

No I'm not over it yet, so of course this is still something that occupies space in my brain.

As I watch her children around me who would have been peers, full of excitement and a little nervousness, prepare for their new adventure, I can't help but imagine what she would have been like today.

Would she be excited about new subjects? Making new friends? Wondering which clubs and activities she would join? These thoughts come as a mix of joy for others and a twinge of sadness for my own loss.

Grieving a child is a unique journey. The pain never truly disappears, it just transforms over time. In those early days, the grief was overwhelming, an ever-present shadow that clouded everything. With time, it became a part of me, a quiet ache that occasionally flares up during significant moments like this.

I want to share a few things I've learnt over these years, not only to honour Holly but also to reach out to other loss mums who might be reading this and feeling similarly.

1. It's Okay to Feel: Every emotion you're experiencing is valid. There will be days when the sadness feels as fresh as it did years ago, and that's okay. There will also be days filled with joy and laughter, and that's okay too. Allow yourself to feel without judgement.

2. Milestones Are Hard: Birthdays, anniversaries, and school transitions like the one we're facing now can be incredibly tough - even years on. Anticipate these moments and give yourself the grace to feel whatever comes up. Whether it's finding a quiet moment to reflect, lighting a candle in their memory, or looking through old photos, find what brings you comfort.

3. Talk About Your Child: Sharing stories and memories and what if's with trusted people helps move through these times.

4. Find Your Support System: Connect with others who understand your journey. There are many support groups, both online and in person, where you can share your experiences with others who truly understand. These connections can provide comfort and solidarity. My DM's are always open x

5. Be Kind to Yourself: Grieving is a lifelong journey with no set timeline. On days when the pain feels particularly sharp, be gentle with yourself. It’s okay to take a step back, to say no to social events, or to spend the day in bed if that’s what you need.

To all the amazing loss mums out there, I see you and I'm right here with you. Our journeys are so personal, but we share this deep bond of understanding and support x